armoured | IC Inbox

[Didn't want you to think I thought you were a monster...

Those words hit home with all the force of a solid punch to the gut, and he feels strangely like he wants to cry. Even with the sympathy that his friends have given him, and the support of his brother, he has never had a near-stranger be that worried or that perceptive.]

No, it's...

[He doesn't know how to continue, he feels horrible perpetuating a lie when Zack has been this kind and considerate of him. He put the conversation out of his head at once, and a new friend has been feeling guilty, that makes Al feel horrible.]

You were really worried about me, huh?

[ Admittedly, there are things that can go over his head and had he been a greener SOLDIER, he likely would have been more shocked and unsure how to approach it. But... things have changed. Far too much back home. So many things that he can't just look past things like this anymore. They hit too close to home.

The grimace in his voice fails to leave. ]

Yeah... Yeah, I was.

...I just- [ Zack pauses, turning the thought in his head. Al's not eight. And he's been through hell, himself, apparently. His situation's likely forced him to grow up meaning hard truths aren't so much out of the question, but... It's still not something easy to admit.

But. He can do this much for Al. He couldn't help Angeal in the end. But maybe he can help Al with this at least. ] There was someone I knew back home who thought they were one. And no matter what I said, I couldn't get them to believe otherwise. That just because things changed didn't make them any different from who they were before. [ His voice trails off in a tone that's almost raw. ]

[This is all hitting very close to home, and he feels a sudden and overwhelming empathy for Zack's friend. However they had been altered, Al knows that inside they would still be human.

Chimera, soul bound to human body, even a homunculus made from a core human... surely all of them could become what they once were, surely it was the soul and the heart that mattered more than the outward appearance.]

You... you sound like an amazing friend, Zack.

[His words are subdued, though, and his hands are trembling where he's gripping the tablet too tightly.]

I--

[He hesitates, should he really reveal his secrets? But he plunges on after only a moment, Zack is owed the same honesty that he has shared with Al tonight.]

I used to worry about that too, but I couldn't think that way for long. My brother, my friends... they all see me as human, and that helps me see myself that way and keep hope that I'll be able to get my original body back.

[Which means he should probably explain, at least a little. He suddenly flicks on the video and angles the tablet to show his open visor. His armour is hollow within, only the seal drawn in blood marring the otherwise flawless metal casing.]

[ Angeal still had been very human and always would be in his eyes. Nothing could have changed Zack's mind in the end. Even with the betrayal.

Still, Zack doesn't feel like an amazing friend. Not at all. Not with Angeal. In the end, he couldn't save him. Maybe Angeal had felt different, but that didn't change Zack's perspective. So, honestly, Al saying that puts a weight on him and he debates on protesting--

but that thought never reaches his voice when he hears Al speak and then suddenly cut himself off. Cut himself off and then he's... talking again and wait, what's this about getting his original-

.....

...........

There's nothing but shallow breath on this end for a long minute. He had been expecting maybe some mutilated fifteen year old staring back at him. In a darker sense, perhaps even something closer to the overexposed monsters in the reactor core at Nibelheim if he really took the time to overthink.

But he wasn't expecting... nothing. ]

[The sound of silence is deafening.

Al knows that his is a situation that most people find hard to comprehend, but he can't help the sliver of fear that creeps into his heart when Zack keeps his silence. What if he has changed his mind? What if Al is one step too far, and there's no way he can be thought of as human in his eyes?]

I had a real body once, a human body. But... my brother and I did something terrible a long time ago, something unforgivable, and this was the price. You remember-- remember I told you about alchemy, and how it has to be equivalent? For that reason alchemists are forbidden to attempt to transmute a human being, it's just-- it's the worst crime an alchemist can commit.

[He can see Ed through the eyes of that twisted and bleeding thing they had made, his voice is thick and shaking.]

We lost our Mom when we were little, we just... we only wanted to see her smile again. I was ten and Brother was eleven when we tried to bring her back, but-- but it failed, it rebounded on us and we had to pay the price. Brother lost his leg and I lost my entire body... I would have died then, I should have-- but Ed gave up his arm to bind my soul to this suit of armour.

[He sounds almost strangled now, choking on the tears that it's impossible for him to shed.]

We just wanted our Mom back...

[ He doesn't mean to make feel worse, really. He's just... still processing this. His thoughts are a whirlwind and nonstop and he's afraid anything he first blurts out will make things worse. His words certainly hadn't seemed to help Angeal in the end. What if he screws up again? Granted, Al's a lot more stable than Angeal ever was about his own situation, but... still. That's not a wound that's ever fully healed and... yeah.

But just because he's not saying anything, doesn't mean he's not listening. Doesn't mean he's not wincing that the words Al has to share. Words that... He was expecting experimentation. He... was not expecting this.

No, this is... This is... He's gripping his tablet now and it's the first time in all the time of him being in Norfinbury that he's thankful he doesn't have the strength he used to because otherwise he would have likely broken it and that would have meant suddenly breaking off this conversation and who knows what kind of conclusions Al would have drawn. Certainly nothing pleasant.

By the end of the tale, he's still not entirely sure what to say.. What do you say to something like this? Somehow, 'Sorry to hear that' just doesn't cut it. But he also knows that silence isn't going to cut it either. This isn't an easy story to tell and if he leaves things hanging anymore...]

{ audio > video }

[ At first, all Al can see of the man before the camera is the gloved hand stretched over his face as he tries to settle himself. He'd tried to remove it before he turned it on, but in the end, he still needs time to compose himself and he's not going to make Al wait anymore. After a moment though, he lets the hand fall and somber blue eyes oddly brighter in the soft glow of his tablet watch him sympathetically. There's something definitely worn and painful in his expression, but he's not going to say this with a covered face. ]

Al... Kid, I'm...

Edited 2015-08-10 15:48 (UTC)

[Al thinks that he's definitely ruined things. Zack is still silent even after Al has explained mostly everything, and he's almost about to hang up instead of facing the disgust that he's sure to come when.... when Zack turns on the video and there's softness and sympathy and pain in his face.]

No, it's--

[He lets out a shuddering sigh and tries to make his voice a bit brighter. It's not wholly successful, but the attempt is there.]

It's okay, I can't complain about the body I have now, or I'd be complaining that I was even alive. Brother gave up so much to even bond my soul to this armour, and I'm not going to dishonour his sacrifice by being anything other than grateful. Besides... we're going to get our original bodies back one day, you can count on it.

[ The attempt is appreciated all the same. He knows all too well how hard it is to remain optimistic in heavy times. But if Al's willing to go for it, Zack'll try, too. He's not smiling, but he is nodding at that, the look on his eyes slightly bolder. He might not understand all the technicalities, but really. He doesn't have to think too far to understand the gist and take it for what it is. Al's living proof right there in front of his eyes. ]

I- [ Ah-haha... Whoops, clearing the sudden hoarseness in the back of his throat. ] I really hope you both do. I mean there's gotta be some way, right? [ It might take time. Years. But in the end, even after all that time, Genesis hadn't entirely given up... Had found a way... So, why not these two as well? Even if it might not necessarily be easy. Al's smart. And Zack'll take a good guess that his brother is, too. They can figure this out... right? ]

Right!

[It clearly already has been years, five long years and counting, where they've hit so many dead ends. The philosopher's stone was no longer of use to them knowing what it was made of, bio-alchemy had only led to horrors, and who knew what alkahestry was capable of.

But he's not going to give up, not when Ed is by his side. They'll keep moving forwards, and keep looking, even if it takes the rest of their lives.

He lifts a hand to put his visor back down so that the blood seal is hidden. His voice gets softer, but it no less full of warmth for it.]

So... that friend of yours, tell them not to give up hope from me. They're still human where it counts, even if they don't look it right now, and maybe one day they'll get their old body back too.

[ That's right! Good! Optimism! They're getting on a better track, one he prefers to walk. Getting all depressed certainly won't help their cause there. Gotta think positive!

Gotta think... positive...

...Zack tries for a smile though it comes out subtle and wary. His eyes don't quite meet Al's either. Voice slightly more subdued. ] ....Right.

-...We'll have to find our way back first though. [ He... doesn't like to lie. He's a bad liar at that, but... well... With all the hope Al has in his voice right then, to dash it when it sounded like he was on the verge of tears only seconds ago... He can't do that to him. He just hopes he's convincing enough. ]

[It's not hard to see the change in Zack's expression. The skin tightens around his eyes, pain flashes on his face and then is badly hidden, and his voice sounds empty despite the attempt at hope.]

Zack, what is it?

[Has he said something wrong there? Is there no way in Zack's world to get someone like that their body back, maybe a situation like Alexander and Nina?]

[ ...Gaia damn it, he will forever curse his lack of tact in all things subtle until the day he dies. He glances away from the camera at first, wheels turning in his head. He didn't want to lie. He really didn't. And now he's caught in one and part of him wants to keep running with it.

But the other part also recognizes Al's own honesty. Would it be a betrayal for him to not be honest then in turn? Would Al not trust him anymore? ...He worries his lip a moment. Stops the next and lowers his eyes to the floor. ]

He's gone, Al..

[Gone, but...?

For a few endless seconds it doesn't quite sink in, but Al can't hide from the truth of those three simple words for long. He's known loss himself, people that he's loved or been friends with who will never come back... His Mom, Nina, Martel, Hughes...

He feels a little sick, how must Zack have felt to hear Al blithely sending his hopes for a better future when there can be no future at all.]

I'm... I'm so sorry.

..It's okay. You didn't know.

[ He didn't and Zack hadn't meant for him to find out. But now he has and that's no fault but Zack's own for not being able to keep a straight face. But Zack can't just let it sit like this. Doesn't want Al to get second thoughts or something where he failed, so... It takes him a moment, but he does raise his head eventually if not after running a hand through his rowdy black hair. Eyes soft, maybe still a little pained, but still focused. And there's some authority to his voice. ]

But just because that's how things ended with him, that doesn't mean you give up, yourself, you hear? I want you to keep going, okay? You and your brother.

[It's not okay.

It's never okay when someone dies, because they always leave behind a gaping hole in someone's life. There is no such thing as a passing without pain, even if the only pain is in the people left behind, and Al hates every second of it.

But then Zack tries to comfort him. Al's heart breaks a little even while it thuds harder with sudden affection and admiration. This is a man after the Elric heart, a man who will keep on even through life's tragedies.]

M-Mm.

[The least he can do is not let that bravery and comfort go to waste.]

You can count on it! I promise, we won't stop... I won't stop... not until we've found what we're looking for.

[ There's a difference between the situation being an okay thing though... and a misunderstanding being okay. And the latter's what Zack'd been aiming for.

Nothing will ever be okay about what happened... It's nothing he's ever fully forgiven himself for either. Always questioning and wondering what he could have done to prevent it, even if that less naive part of him realizes that in the end, there likely wasn't much he could have done to change the outcome. But it's not exactly something to accept so easily- something perhaps he never will.

But that's why he's gotta take what he's learned from it and help the people he can help now. People like Al. And people like his brother, too.

So, he smiles at that promise. Smiles at that admission. Brave kid. He hopes you'll always stay that way and that might be why he softly prods: ] I'm gonna hold you to that, you know? I don't take promises lightly.

R-Right.

[He can't smile, but the tone of his voice is warm enough that it somehow seems like he's smiling even through the immovable metal helmet. He can understand Zack's pain, he's lost people on this journey too, and it speaks a lot for his character that he's using that pain to move forwards. It's a sentiment that the Elrics fully support, and Zack goes up in Al's estimation a lot.]

Neither do I, so that's why I know that I'll get my body back one day. My brother would punch me so hard if he ever thought I had given up, anyway...

[He chuckles softly, sadly.]

I know it can't bring him back, but... but if I can do it, maybe I can give other people like your friend the hope that they need to believe that it can be done.

[OOC: I am sorry for making you wait for my reply. I was unavoidably away. I will understand if you wish to drop this thread with no hard feelings, but I am happy to carry on too.]

( ooc: FOSSIL, I SWEAR TO MACARENA, YOU ARE FINE. <3 I'm just glad you're back! )

[ Zack can't help it. He laughs outright when Al mentions the possibility of being hit by his brother for even thinking of giving up. It's kinda meek and his voice might have went hoarse halfway through, but it's all in good humor all the same. Makes him seem to relax a little.

But it's that comment that gets to him even more. Zack's smile grows more genuine. Where there might be pain, there's also a great deal of gratitude in his expression. ] You know? I don't think he'd mind that at all. [ And neither would Zack. Not at all... ] Figure it's a good way to honor him.

[ There's another pause before he nods slightly at the camera. ] Thanks..

[If they were in the same place right now, Al would pay Zack heavily on the shoulder to show his support, but... he can't. So he raises a hand and makes a fist visible on the screen, pumping it in the air in a show of solidarity.]

That's what a friends are for, right?

[Because they are friends. Al decrees it so, and Zack has no choice, especially not now he knows the big secret.]

It's important to you, so it's important to me, and I promise I won't forget.

[ There's something of amusement that crosses Zack's face at that raised first and he backs up enough to hold up his own arm in the face of his camera. This is where he'd be moving to knock it against Al's own. Instead, he mirrors him with a bit of a teasing wink. ]

Better not! [ His tone's stronger now, fuller. He can't be dragging Al down. Sour moods won't help either of them. It also helps feeling like a weight's been lifted off his shoulder, knowing that Al's not mad at him. That Al understands-- too well a bit of the struggle he's been through. Who'da thought this conversation would turn out to be something like this? He definitely didn't.

Lowering his arm, he keeps his grin. ] But yeah, that's right! Now, as a friend, I'm gonna tell you you should probably get some shuteye. [ He should probably say he's sorry for keeping him up with all this, but he's really not. ]

R-Right...

[He doesn't sound too enthused about it, though. Sleep here is not a comforting thing. He misses it so deeply, it's one of the things that makes his body a curse, but what happens here isn't the sleep he's longed for so much. It's just a black unconsciousness, like being tugged away from his body, a facsimile of what he's yearned for.

He doesn't want to bring Zack down again though, so he hangs up pretty quickly after that, going to sit in the corner of the room to watch over the others as they sleep and only succumb himself when he has to.]

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