IC Inbox

[armoured]

This is the IC inbox for Alphonse Elric at Snowblind.

Network name: @LELRIC

This is the place to contact Al over the Network. Contact by voice, text, or video is all perfectly acceptable, and there is no need to plot with me prior to posting in this inbox.

Comments

[armoured]

And what if that happens?

Are answers more important than freedom?

[motherserpent]

I don't know, man, you've just--this is getting really existential.

[It should be an easy answer. The rational thing to say is that of course freedom and survival are more important than answers...but that reply sticks in her throat.]

[armoured]

Yeah, maybe. But you still have to think about this sort of thing before it happens, or it might be too late.

[He knows that he's already made peace with his decision.]

[motherserpent]

I don't really think that much about the future. At least...I didn't back home.

[armoured]

Why not?

[His voice has softened, curious and a little sympathetic.]

[motherserpent]

I dunno. I just thought I'd always keep doing what I was doing. Keep hopping from place to place, get by, meet new people, learn new things. I never really wanted more than that.

[armoured]

Sometimes planning for the future is what can give us strength to keep going, so we know we're always moving towards that plan.

[motherserpent]

Yeah, but then you always know where you're going.

[She says this as if the problem with that is self evident.]

[armoured]

Isn't that a good thing?

[Al takes comfort in knowing where he's going, in having a goal to help shape his actions into what they should be.]

[motherserpent]

I...guess...?

[That's a normal person answer, isn't it? She remembers at least sometimes wanting to know what comes next. It just doesn't sit right now.]

Look, I know I've been...kind of weird. I apparently change a lot after the point where my memories leave off. So I don't know. I don't know if it's a good thing for me.

[armoured]

I'm not sure I understand exactly what you're saying, but-- I think change isn't a bad thing. Even if it moves in a bad direction at first, it's still something that helps shape who we are.

[Though perhaps not if memory loss is involved.]

I'm sorry, Brother says I can get too argumentative about this stuff sometimes.

[motherserpent]

No, it's fine. I think it's just...I don't really understand what this future-me was thinking, or if the stuff I was saying was real or not. And I just feel...things don't make as much sense as they used to.

[armoured]

Do you want to try and talk it through?

[He's always willing to listen to anyone.]

[motherserpent]

...Do you think I'm really a god? Like I said I was?

[armoured]

I don't know.

[He feels like it's important to be honest here.]

I don't believe in gods where I come from, but your definition of one might be different from mine.

[motherserpent]

I don't know that I believe in gods, either. It wasn't something I really worried about much back home.

[armoured]

I don't understand. How could you think you were a god, but not know if you believe in them?

cw mental illness/fear of mental illness

[motherserpent]

Yeah, I'm still trying to figure that one out myself. Thinking you're god is supposed to be a common delusion, right? If you have delusions.

cw mental illness/fear of mental illness

[armoured]

I don't know, I'm sorry.

[His heart is aching for her, though. He knows what it's like to question if his very existence is real, thanks to Barry the Chopper.]

Do you remember your Mom and Dad? Were they gods?

cw mental illness/fear of mental illness

[motherserpent]

Yeah! Yeah, I, like...they're normal people. I grew up in this little town, my mom worked at the medical center and my dad drove a cab. I had this whole normal-ass life; I don't know what happened.

[armoured]

[That does, unfortunately, sound more like she might be imagining the whole 'god' thing.]

I guess you have to ask yourself if it matters what you are. God, or human, or something else, does it make you any less Tess?

[motherserpent]

I wish I knew. I wish I knew what was going on in my head when I said all that stuff. I really seemed to believe all of it.

[armoured]

I'm sorry, I wish I could help more with that, but-- I don't know whether it's true or not.

[He hesitates, but he wants to help and that's always been what pushes him to share.]

I know what it's like, sort of, to not know if what you believe about yourself is real. Someone I know, he convinced me that I wasn't really who I thought I was, that I was just a puppet creation of my brother. It was really scary, not knowing if my whole self was a lie.

[motherserpent]

Holy shit, dude. Who the fuck does something like that? I mean -- at least you know now, right? You came out the other side of it knowing who you are. You don't seem like someone who thinks he isn't real.

[armoured]

Yeah, I came out of the other side of it. My brother kicked my butt about it, and we talked about a memory that I had that he didn't. It proved that he hadn't made me, because I could remember these things that he had forgotten.

[But it had definitely been a rough few days.]

But I meant that I know what it's like, to not be sure of your reality, so-- hang in there. I don't think it matters if you're a god or not, as long as you're still you.